Tips for a Smooth Transition to Big School 

Question from parents: What can I do to get my child prepared for the leap to big school next term ?

It is so important to be asking this question in advance and to start by thinking how your child with their unique temperament and personality adapts to change. If they are sensitive and introverted you might expect school to be more of a challenge. Having said that, we like to ‘never assume’ and that child who is outwardly confident and extroverted may also find that the change and expectations associated with starting or changing schools can knock their confidence. We are setting our children up for success if we take time in the preparation, both practical and emotional, and it will reap benefits in how our little ones adjust to school. Here are a few ideas to work on this summer and well in advance of the big day in September.

Familiarity – We are more relaxed with the familiar. Hopefully you have visited the school before the they broke up but it is a good idea in the summer to practice the school run. Can you play in the playground during the holidays? Can you get a few of the children together in the park so they have met. As much as we can do to make the school familiar will help.

Talk openly and often about going to school - One great way to do this with young children is reading stories about other children going to school. There are quite a few great books about starting school and reading together provides a wonderful opportunity to talk about any worries and concerns they may have. Letting them voice any big feelings they have about school provides us with a chance to acknowledge and hear their concerns. “I can so understand that you are a bit worried about the playtime. I used to worry that I might not find a new friend.” “School does seem so big and everything seems so new.” We call this ‘Emotion Coaching’ and it is one of the core skills we teach on our courses. Even young children need to know we understand their feelings rather than hearing a dismissive “oh you will be fine. Everyone starts school at some point.” Only when our children have their feelings understood and acknowledged will they be able to process those emotions rather than having them surface in worrying behaviour.

Practice Independence - Feeling independent, confident and competent in the small tasks can make a world of difference to a child starting school. Invest the time in helping your child with the things they will be asked to do. There may be a few things that we have done for them up to now as it is faster and less stressful, but now is a good time to hand over the reins on things such as putting on their own shoes, hanging up their coats, getting dressed and undressed (for games for example) on their own, going to the toilet, washing their hands. Have them practice asking for help if they need it. These are great things to role play and have fun with over the coming weeks.

Set a positive tone and focus on the skills they will need at school – Highlight all the things that your child does that will help them when they get to school. “You listened really carefully to what I asked you to do just then, that is really going to help when you are listening to the teacher at school.” “Wow you look like you’re really enjoying doing that drawing – you’ve been sitting still working on it for 10 whole minutes.” “I love that you wanted to give it a go putting your hair back on your own. That shows me that you like trying to do things for yourself.”

Check in with your own emotions – You may be feeling a range of emotions about your child’s first day of school and this may be especially true if you don’t have very happy memories of your own early days. It can be a very emotional experience for any of us as we say goodbye to our little ones and walk away. According to a survey by Fairy Bio: More than half of all parents feel “overwhelmingly emotional” when they drop their child off for their first day at school – in fact, mums are 5 times more likely to cry than their children. I remember feeling under control as I dropped my eldest off for his first day of school until I saw another mum overcome with emotion and that set me off as well! I recommend making plans for after drop-off to do something that you really enjoy. We need to be kind and look after ourselves as well.

The First Day – Not only do we want to think about the drop off, but we should think about the pick up as well. It’s really important to get in the habit from day one of arriving on time so that your child knows they haven’t been abandoned and will go to school the next day safe in the knowledge that you will be there at the end of the day. On the journey home, when checking in on how the day went, it is also a good habit to refrain from launching into ‘How was your day?” ‘What did you do?” We recommend starting gently with open ended questions and listening in a non-judgemental and understanding way. If they seem upset or unsure, emotion coach, naming to tame the emotions you think they may be experiencing. If they have had a great day and are full of smiles, rather than just breathing a sigh of relief, use descriptive praise to acknowledge how brave they have been, their new ability to make friends or whatever qualities they have shown. This will also help build their self-esteem and confidence in their new role as a pupil at the school.

Good luck and most importantly, enjoy and treasure all the moments that you have with your children this summer.