How to sail through exam revision this holiday

How to sail through exam revision this holiday

Are you excited about the holiday with a break from the routine and exhaustion of the school term BUT at the same time anxious about the prospect of exam revision?

Does just thinking about the tension, the stress, and the arguments around the how much, where and when of revision get your heart racing?   Revision can become a huge source of stress and disconnection unless we think about it, talk about it and work through a plan together up front.

With three kids in three school years we had many holidays filled with mind maps, flash cards and tears,  whether it was A levels, GCSE's or11+ .  I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I could support my kids while creating a calm, comfortable atmosphere at home so they could rest WHILE revising.   Sounds impossible? Not with some thought, planning and lots of collaboration.

Whatever exams you might be approaching, here are five tips to get you through:

1.  Set the scene and the tone at the beginning. 

It's vital to address that large elephant in the room.  Sit down with your child and work through a revision timetable. Some will already have it all worked out but others might need some help. Stay positive, let them lead and be supportive.  Build into the timetable family time and lots of fresh air and rest. Our children are always exhausted at the end of term and they'll need plenty of down time to recharge their batteries.

Let your kids know that you get it. Spending a holiday working isn't many kids' idea of fun so together come up with lots of things to look forward to during breaks - favourite snacks, special treats, family films, games, an outing.  You might try this:

"I can imagine that the idea of working all holiday doesn't sound like much fun. I'm thinking you'll need lots of things to look forward to during your breaks and non-work times. I have some ideas. Can we come up with a list together so I can help?'

Short breaks between set periods of study is important. Most kids, especially as they get towards GCSE and A levels, tend to underestimate the amount and depth of work they need to do so a clear well thought through, visible revision timetable can help them feel more in control, less stressed and overwhelmed.

2. Work through the ground rules around technology - upfront

Discuss ahead of time and with empathy and respect what might derail their best laid plans.  Perhaps like this:

'I'm wondering what might get in the way or be a distraction for you?' 'Yeah your phone? How can you make sure you're not interrupted?' 'Mmmm, Do you think that putting it in the same room is a good idea? I know when mine is near by I find it hard to resist. ' 'The kitchen on charge sounds really sensible.'

One of the biggest obstacles is likely to be the pings of their phone, the fear of missing out on the chat, posting their BeReal in time,  or the pull of getting into a group waiting to game.  Encourage them to leave their devices in another room as research show that even a smartphone turned off, but in the same room. is distracting. Set time aside for catching up on social media and playing games once the allocated work has been done.  It's a great way to teach delayed gratification and a calm, respectful chat through ahead of time will save many a misunderstanding.

3. Set up the environment for success.

It's important to work with your child to give them a quiet, calm place conducive to study.  See if you can allocate a space or a room where they can spread out, keep their stuff organised and help them gather all the things they need.

Some may need gentle encouragement to choose a quiet space when they'd rather be sitting at the kitchen table in the hub of the house.  They may work best with others so a spot next to you in the office might be just what they need.

Perhaps give them a timer and be ready during the breaks for a cup of tea or hot chocolate. Our presence and a bit of attention reinforces our connection and shows our respect for the work they have to do. I'd say:

'Wow you've done 20 minutes of maths. That's a great start. I'm making tea, can I get you a hot chocolate?"

Think about helping them stay organised as clutter is distracting and can add to stress. Perhaps some jars for highlighters, post-its and labels for files and white board for inspirational quotes and notes. Finally getting everyone in the house on board, talking through with siblings the importance of their study schedule,  shows respect for your student.

4. Ask your child how they'd like you to support them.

 Just as every child learns differently, some are auditory learners others visual, they may want you to support them and show your consideration and compassion in different ways.  Ask them how you can help.

One of my children likes to be left alone but with a stream of healthy snacks, cups of tea and the occasional back rub.  Another likes me closer to hand to talk through and quiz her on dates and facts.

The most important support is empathy. When we acknowledge their emotions, perhaps frustration, fear or feeling overwhelmed we help them to address their strong feelings.   Research supports the idea that acknowledgement and naming an emotion activates stress-reducing chemicals in the body.  Letting our kids know that we 'get it' by talking about the feelings they might be experiencing helps relieve stress and helps them feel they're not alone.  Perhaps this approach could be helpful

'I know that you find chemistry really really hard.  It probably feels overwhelming right now. I used to feel the same way about physics.' 

'I'm thinking you might feel stuck with this history.  I get that and I'm around in 15 minutes if you'd like me to quiz you on any dates?'

5. Stay positive.

We can get hugely frustrated, cross or despondent when our kids are not doing what we know they should be doing.

We can see clearly that 'if they would just do a bit of work' or 'if they would just try' they'd more likely to succeed or avoid disappointment.

But our kids won't be motivated by our criticism, nagging or judgment. 

Children want to do well and although we can support them, the motivation needs to come from within.  Our job is to keep working on our connection and relationship. The more positive they feel about themselves and the safer they feel in their connection with us, the more likely they will try, do the hard painful stuff and develop resilience.

We can help by focusing on the positive and mentioning all the thing they get right, pointing out when we see the behaviour we're looking for and by showing empathy. 

We call this Descriptive Praise and along with empathy and understanding,  the positive focus motivates and helps them build self-esteem and a growth mindset. When we have set things up at the outset and worked out a plan together, we'll have plenty of opportunity to acknowledge the tiny steps in the right direction. It might sound like this:

'You sat down at your desk when you said you would.'

'You put the timer on to remind yourself when your next study break starts and you put your phone the windowsill. You should feel really proud of yourself as I know that' feels hard. I've got the kettle on in 10 minutes."

We use this positive acknowledgement in place of bribes and threats.  Bribery (such as money or presents) for revising and exam marks doesn't reinforce intrinsic motivation and can have a negative effect on our children's sense of self- worth. Descriptively praising their effort, their attitude and the strategies they use reinforces a growth mindset and step by step builds their belief in their own abilities.   Bolstering their self -esteem will give our kids the best chance possible of getting through the stress and pressure around revision and put them in the best frame of mind to tackle the weeks ahead.

We can’t and don't want to do it for them but we can help them to be and do their best.  Supporting your child through exam revision helps to cement your relationship and shows them in a calm positive way that you’re on their side. 

Setting things up calmly and proactively at the beginning means you're less likely to have misunderstandings and more likely to still have plenty of time to enjoy being together.