I am sorry! 

Sorry seems to be the hardest word!

Indeed it seems hard for us as parents to through up our hands and admit that we messed up, that we got it wrong. It is worth the effort, the swallowing of pride and the sometime difficult conversation as saying sorry is about so much more than just the words.

We say that parenting is at least 80% modelling. Our children notice and observe us (like it or not!) all the time - we are their most important teachers. Our kids take on our values and beliefs, not through a lecture but by observing them in action. Hearing us apologise is seeing us live our values.

Research suggests that this idea of learning from observing others is due to brain cells called ‘mirror neurons.’ We may think it is common sense but it is pretty fascinating that it may be due to the way our brain function that lets us interpret the actions we see others perform. There is science behind what we knew is true, that what we model for our kids is vital to their development.

Let’s say that you shouted at your children. You have been working hard to respond to your kids when your buttons get pushed but you had a bad day and you reacted. You can either just move on and hope for a better tomorrow, or you can have an honest open conversation, say you got it wrong and apologise.

Think of all they can learn from seeing us take responsibilities for our actions. We are acknowledging that we all make mistakes and that it is not the mistake that is important but how we respond and what we learn from it that is important. We are not perfect (they will probably agree) and it is in fact very ok to be imperfect and honest. They see that we have the self-esteem to put our hands up and say that we just got it wrong. We may find it uncomfortable but we are not afraid of tough conversations.

We can think of glossing over a mistake as a missed opportunity to help our kids take on our values and feel closer and we know that it is all about the connection.