Is Fortnite THE hotspot in your home? 

I asked a friend what her plans were for Half Term and the quick answer was 'just trying to provide distractions to Fortnite!" Take comfort that you are not alone if you are parents of one of the 125 million players at last count. Rather than nag, argue, shout or give in, here are 5 ways that you can help your kids unhook whilst retaining the relationship and the connection:

1. Know your stuff: It order to set respectful, sensible limits and boundaries with our kids we need to get informed. Here are some of the things that my son and his friends say make Fortnite SO compelling:

• Its a third person shooter game with strategy. Each game starts wth 100 players. To win, you must be the last one standing having run around building or searching out structures and amassing various weapons while eliminating the competition.
• You can play alone, in a duo or form a squad with your friends. You chat as you play so its social and great fun when your team gets the Victory Royale.
• Its free to download and its cross platform so it’s simple and easy. It officially welcomes players of 12 year olds and above. Due in part to its cartoon like graphics it is appealing to younger kids but Common Sense Media suggests a 13-year-old minimum due to violence and open chat rooms (which can be blocked). New Add-ons are available and although purely cosmetic, they can be really cool.
• The game combines strategy (so there is the possibility to improve) with luck which means you too could win and we all love to win!
• If you do get eliminated, you can start again – with a bit more luck you could win next time so it’s easy to just keep playing. Think about how much self control is required to avoid pressing the 'next episode' button when watching your favourite series on Netflix.... and mulitply that by several factors.
• The graphics are fantastic and fun, the sounds are super and it is often humerous with wacky dances. This is one of the reasons that it is the most watched game on the streaming service Twitch and a top choice for growing eSports platforms.
• It is fun, challenging, frustrating, very social and you could win. We start to see why it is so compelling and we can also see that our kids will need our help to limit the time they spend playing.
• Why is it vital to understand? In the case of Fortnite, each game lasts about 20 minutes and as you can play alone or in a team, your kids are not going to want to abandon the team in the middle of the game, leaving their teammates in the lurch and losing any points they have earned. So, the simple timer that might be appropriate to signal the end of screen time for another game will be less effective or respectful for this one. Your discussion might sound like this: ‘I know you don’t want to desert your team in the middle of a game. I get that. Let’s decide how many games you are going to play and you can let your friends know that you are only in for two games today. “ " We are all leaving for lunch at 2pm. Shall we work out what that means in term of your computer time this afternoon?" - Respectful, understanding limit setting.

2. Show an interest : I made the mistake when my son was young of showing clearly that I did not get and had no interest in gaming. Would my comments and questions have been different if his passion had been football? Yes, absolutely. We need to respect, show genuine curiosity and interest in our kid’s passions or they will feel misunderstood. Are they going to listen to, seek advice from and feel connected to us if we show little interest in the things they enjoy? This is parenting on the back foot, a missed opportunity and unlikely to inspire much if any cooperation.

3. Set Clear Boundaries and Limits: We should set appropriate and clear boundaries that reflect our values and our children’s age, stage of development and temperament- Just as you would not let them loose in the shops until they were old enough, seem ready and without first teaching them how to find you or their way home, don’t let them loose on line without training and clear rules. You may decide that your child is not ready for Fortnite. Talk it through and with empathy “I understand that you want to play and that your mates all seem to talking about it. I get that. It’s my job to look after you and I am not comfortable with this game at your age.” We know that Fortnite is particularly compelling and therefore harder for them to self-regulate but the principles are the same - boundaries need to be clear, consistent, set confidently but with compassion. “I know you want to jump on and that your friends are waiting for you. What is the rule about homework getting finished before your time on line?” “Yes absolutely you can have your time now as you did everything you need to do. Let’s agree first on how many games and the maximum time.”

4. Support your kids in developing off line interests: Throw energy, creativity and interest into helping your kids nurture things they love to do off line. Let them try lots of things - a little mudslinging to see what sticks. Sometimes they need to try things out to find out what they enjoy. This does not mean signing up for everything and then quitting, always talk it through – “I would be so happy to get you to floorball on Tuesday nights. The course is 6 weeks so let’s chat through what will happen if you decide after a few weeks that it is not for you.” I have not always relished the 45-minute drive to get my son to fencing practice on Friday evening but I do cherish the time in the car and adore watching him doing something that he loves.

5. Family time: A simple yet often under appreciated gift to your children is to have meals together. Warm, relaxed and engaged time with family has been shown to have innumerable positive effects on children including better mental health, higher self-esteem, better academic performance and greater self- reliance all countering some of the concerns that we have about too much time playing Fortnite.

Fortnite is the game of the moment, it might get bigger or it might be usurped by a new upstart but the principles are the same. The conversations with our kids, whether 12 or 16, should be the same and focus on building a respectful connected relationship. This will mean that we are both equipped for the next development whether it is them off to university and needing to self-regulate or a new even more compelling game.