How to raise an adult



My children are almost launched. 

They’re all young adults, and each, in their own way, has found their own path. 

I have learned over the years not to say 'I’m so proud of you' but rather to help them focus on being proud of themselves. However, I am really really proud of each one of them. 

I love that they are different with different approaches, interests, characters and friends. And, I love that they are a team. 

How did we get here? 

When I look back and think about how we parented these three wonderful people, it's easier to remember the things I wish we had done differently, especially when the kids point out our sometimes questionable choices. 

But watching them find their own way, I’ve come to realise that parenting is a long game, even if some days it can feel overwhelming and impossible to know where to begin. 

Here's what I’ve learned, and it's good news! 

We don't need more energy, more time, or a better plan. We make mistakes, and we definitely don’t need to be perfect. We need to give our kids our presence.

Presence isn't about effort or perfection; it's about reliability and intention, so our kids learn that no matter what goes on, they can rely on us. 

It's learning to take a small pause before we react,  choosing to notice rather than rush past and knowing when they have something on their minds. 

It may take an extra moment, but it costs us almost nothing, and yet it's the thing that draws our children to us and that they will remember. 

It's about enough — and today, one small thing is enough.

Here are 10 small, intentional moments that I’ve found make a difference:

1. Look up and smile when they walk into the room. 
2. Remember the names of their friends.
3. Let them overhear you praising them to someone else. 
4. Ask if you can watch whatever they're watching and definitely don't critique it. 
5. Remember: your child is having a problem, not being a problem.
6. Always apologise when you get it wrong, and repair.
7. When they want to talk just as you're about to go to sleep — listen, and be glad they're talking.
8. Put your phone away. 
9. Make your home a shame-free zone. 
10. Leave a note or send a text telling them you love them. 

We don't need to do all of these, and we don't need to do any of them perfectly. 

Love is in the small moments. 

Pick one. Do it today.

That's enough.

I'm just off on holiday with all three of my children, cheering my youngest on in the sport she loves.  She's worked so hard for this.  We’re all there to support her. None of us would be anywhere else - showing up, watching, being there for her in her moment.

That feels like presence.