Blog Post
Express Yourself - 5 ways to help kids express their authentic selves
Heather Rutherford • Jan 26, 2021
Helping kids creatively express who they are and how they feel helps them feel good
This week, is Children’s Mental Health Week run by Place2Be, the children’s mental health charity that provides counselling and mental health support and training in UK schools.
They have chosen Express Yourself
as this year’s theme– focusing on how kids can use creativity to share their feelings, thoughts and ideas. This is about helping our kids find ways to show who they are, and how they see the world, that can help them feel good about themselves.
I wanted to give some thought to how creativity and feeling seen and understood can help our kids feel good during this extremely tough time.
We know that the uncertainty and hopelessness many feel is taking its toll. Some parents tell me that they notice their children are more withdrawn, on edge or seem just flat. Siblings are arguing (more than usual!), teens are feeling unmotivated and parents are exhausted trying to keep going. Finding ways to help us all feel good about ourselves, see hope in the future and feel connected and supported by our families and community is vital.
Here are 5 ideas to help our kids to express themselves and feel heard doing things that make them feel good!
1. You don’t have to BE creative to create- I always say that I don’t have a creative bone in my body but I do love the process. Not long ago I signed up for a life drawing class, in the day when we could go out, and the experience was overwhelming. It was one of the toughest things I've done but not only did I learn a new skill, the improvement from that first line of charcoal to something that reflected my vision of what was in front of me felt truly amazing.
This isn’t about me, but it’s about the importance of embracing the process. We would love to send the message to our children that the way they choose to express themselves has few limitations. They don’t have to be creative to create. Drawing is not only for the artist, singing for the singer or drama for actor– it’s not about the result, it’s about how it makes you FEEL.
Pointing out the effort, little steps and the joy in giving things a go tells our kids that it’s the process that is important. “I love the green you chose.”’ I love that you gave that a try.” ’It’s fun to make something that we can all enjoy!”
2. 'Special time' is a special time to get creative –
Children spell love as T-I-M-E. Child led one on one time is one of the best things we can do to get connected to our kids, to improve behaviour and help kids manage their feelings. Letting our kids take the lead and choose what we do together lets them know that what they think is important – especially positive for kids who like to feel in charge. Sending the message that there is nowhere else we would rather be and no one else we would rather be with, is powerful.
Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson's book The Power of Showing Up is all about the importance of presence for our kids. The simple act of consistently and purposely ' showing up' and being present in their lives positively impacts who are kids become and how their brains get wired. It' s important for our kids to know that they can count on us again and again to show up with our full attention, building trust and a feeling of security to thrive.
Why not spend this special time together, whatever their age, supporting their creative ideas, interests and passions? I do draw the line at making TikTok videos!
3. Model expressing yourself
– We say that 80% of parenting is modelling. Children watch, listen and take on board all that we do and say. I find this to be comforting and also slightly daunting. If we can make time, which may take some discipline, to do things that make us feel good and find ways to express our honest thoughts, feelings and ideas, our children take on board that self expression is not only important but a vital part of good mental health and wellbeing.
We can show our kids that things that make us feel good may not be things that come naturally or that we feel we are "good" at.
Whether its cooking, drawing, writing, singing, what we chose to wear - revel in the joy it brings you. Try out new things and express yourself in ways that feel authentic. It doesn’t always have to feel comfortable (like my life drawing) or predictable. Working outside our comfort zone, learning and expressing are great feelings and values to share and this is, after all, how we grow.
4. Support their individuality - Kids need to feel safe, seen and secure in order to express who they really are. Showing who you are can expose your vulnerability and you need to be brave. Our kids need to know that no matter what side of themselves they chose to show, they will be met with unconditional love and acceptance. This is our job - to create a space where they feel comfortable, understood and respected enough to be their authentic selves.
We need to be good observers and listeners too. Kids don't always know how to put their emotions into words. Their emotions can come out through what they DO. Their behaviour might be all that we see - after all behaviour is a communication. What our kids do and what they don’t do is an expression of how they're feeling and if we can get curious about what is driving the behaviour, we’ll learn more about the feelings underneath. We want to do all we can to help our kids express their true feelings, thoughts and ideas so they feel heard, understood and safe. When our kids feel we are interested in who they are, not just what they are, they'll feel more connected.
Listening, empathising and helping our kids understand that ALL feelings are ok, it’s the behaviour that sometimes needs redirecting, helps children feel secure and comfortable in exploring and expressing their unique selves. If we can help them express themselves and find their unique voice, they build their self- esteem and resilience and it feels good!
5. Let’s get practical and set up for creative success. I know we are all exhausted and the thought of having to arrange and organise our kids to get creative and express themselves might sound like a step too far. But a little planning can make all the difference. Here are a few ideas (age dependent):
a). Get together when everyone is relaxed and has a little time – perhaps over ice cream -and brain storm for creative ideas that they would each like to try. Be open minded and make a list that you put somewhere visible.
b). Collect household articles and put them in one easy to reach space – corks, glue, paper, cardboard, beads, toothpicks, small canvases, pastels, stamps, knitting needles, dressing up etc. It’s much easier to get the creative juices flowing when everything is accessible and in one place.
c). What would you like to try? Ask you kids, no matter their age, what they might like to try if they had time. Help them make it happen. They just might have a little time at the moment to follow a new passion or try something different. Don’t forget that you can try something that makes you feel good too!
d). Have a good debate - Discuss the idea of self- expression - what does it mean? How can it help us feel good about ourselves? How does social media impact our ability to express our true selves? What stops people from expressing who they feel they really are. How can we create a place where everyone feels comfortable to express who they are?
d), For more information, resources and ideas visit https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/